[He did know. Intellectually, at least, he knew. Not that he thought
he needed to care more than he did. He cared so much, so often, that it
immobilized him. At least he knew that no one could really see that. And he
knew that was his fault. But he was pretty sure that caring more would
probably kill him.]
[He shuffled, slightly, and then opened his arms - a silent offer,
and one she could easily ignore if she wanted.]
[ Ellana looks at the offered hug and hesitates. She doesn't need a hug to feel better, but maybe he does. She scoots closer and wraps her arms around him. Things are still different now, but she can't be cruel and deny him a hug. ]
[The hesitation saddens him, and he's about to lower his arms when
she finally moved over. He lets out a breath as she hugs him, and he wraps
his arms around her shoulders and squeezes back - much more confidently
than she had. Physical affection had always managed to get through to him
when words could not, so it meant a lot more to him than it probably did to
her.]
[ The way he squeezes her tight gets a smile out of her, and that's a step in the right direction. Gavin is truly a frustrating person, but she hates the idea of not having him in her life. It's hard to accept that he is the way he is, and it's not that she wants him to change for other people. She looks at him and sees someone who can be so brave, but also so foolish. The way his ears droop when he knows he's done wrong just makes her want to help him. If there was only a way to do that while not making it into a thing where Gavin no longer felt like himself anymore.
Now she rocks a little in his embrace, side to side, and adds a little humming as she smiles up at him. There's nothing she can do to prevent him from running from his problems. But at least she can try to lift his spirits here. ]
[He begins to relax, when she hums, and when he finally pulls back
from the embrace, his ears are no longer drooping. He holds onto her arms
by the shoulders, squeezing slightly.]
I'm sorry. I'm going to do better, Ellana. I will. I'll stop disappointing
you all.
[ It's something she wants to believe; it really is. But all the evidence has pointed to Gavin's promises not lasting, and Ellana isn't as naive as everyone seems to think. She's no longer taken in by pretty words that amount to nothing in the end. She knows Gavin isn't lying to her and he truly will try, but she doesn't think he'll succeed.
And yet Ellana isn't going to make mention of that. She can't upset him when he's trying. So she smiles, nods, and gives his own shoulder a squeeze. ]
Thank you, Gavin. You know I just worry, don't you? I want you to be safe and happy.
[He didn't, not really. Or at least, he didn't entirely believe it.
Even from Ellana. Safe and Happy for everyone else seemed to mean something
different for him, but that was hardly new.]
I'm sorry for taking it out on you. You didn't do anything to deserve it, I
promise.
[ Her gaze lowers, ashamed of herself. But she'd been so worried, so frustrated, and there he was serving his punishment, not even thinking of how she might feel. Not coming to find her and show her he was all right. She'd lashed out at him out of pure emotion. ]
[ She pulls back and smiles at him. Their relationship is so strange. So alike in some ways, like they could finish each other's sentences, and so different in others, like they're a stranger to the other. ]
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[ But yeah, this does feel a little uncomfortable for her too. ]
I just wish... well, you know.
[ That you'd talk to someone. That you'd stop running. That you cared more. ]
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I know.
[He did know. Intellectually, at least, he knew. Not that he thought he needed to care more than he did. He cared so much, so often, that it immobilized him. At least he knew that no one could really see that. And he knew that was his fault. But he was pretty sure that caring more would probably kill him.]
[He shuffled, slightly, and then opened his arms - a silent offer, and one she could easily ignore if she wanted.]
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[The hesitation saddens him, and he's about to lower his arms when she finally moved over. He lets out a breath as she hugs him, and he wraps his arms around her shoulders and squeezes back - much more confidently than she had. Physical affection had always managed to get through to him when words could not, so it meant a lot more to him than it probably did to her.]
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Now she rocks a little in his embrace, side to side, and adds a little humming as she smiles up at him. There's nothing she can do to prevent him from running from his problems. But at least she can try to lift his spirits here. ]
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[He begins to relax, when she hums, and when he finally pulls back from the embrace, his ears are no longer drooping. He holds onto her arms by the shoulders, squeezing slightly.]
I'm sorry. I'm going to do better, Ellana. I will. I'll stop disappointing you all.
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And yet Ellana isn't going to make mention of that. She can't upset him when he's trying. So she smiles, nods, and gives his own shoulder a squeeze. ]
Thank you, Gavin. You know I just worry, don't you? I want you to be safe and happy.
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I know.
[He didn't, not really. Or at least, he didn't entirely believe it. Even from Ellana. Safe and Happy for everyone else seemed to mean something different for him, but that was hardly new.]
I'm sorry for taking it out on you. You didn't do anything to deserve it, I promise.
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[ Her gaze lowers, ashamed of herself. But she'd been so worried, so frustrated, and there he was serving his punishment, not even thinking of how she might feel. Not coming to find her and show her he was all right. She'd lashed out at him out of pure emotion. ]
You didn't deserve that either.
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It's alright.
[He gives her a small smile - pulling up one side of his face but not the other. It was alright, because he was used to it.
It was alright, because Merrick did far worse.]
I have to get back to latrine duty, but I'll... I'll catch up with you later.
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[ She pulls back and smiles at him. Their relationship is so strange. So alike in some ways, like they could finish each other's sentences, and so different in others, like they're a stranger to the other. ]
Ma serannas. For the apple.
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Pretty sure you don't have to thank me for an apology gift, but - you're welcome, Ellana.
[And then without another word, he stole away.]